Updated: Dec 31, 2020
Fear looked me in the face, but courage was on my side. I remember doing a Christmas family photo-shoot...the day of was disastrous, long and hard. I got the sneak peek pictures to my email, opened them and literally cringed. My face was bloated, I looked hot and uncomfortable and the only thing I loved about them were my boys. After that day, I vowed to myself that I wouldn't be taking anymore pictures any time soon...well, not unless I lost 100lbs!<-----welp, that didn't happen! LOL
But what did happen is that I learned to love myself again. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but if I did please forgive me...2019 had to be the most challenging year for me. I felt defeated. I felt discouraged. I felt helpless. I was depressed (never clinically diagnosed, but I was just really good at coping). I was confused. I had these 2 boys that I had to show up for every day regardless of what I was feeling and I WAS EXHAUSTED!
One day, I was riding in the car and I recalled telling myself that 2020 was going to be MY YEAR. I was showing up for me. No excuses. No interjections from anyone. No fear. I was going to take MYSELF by the hand and come out on the other side. I started to speak life because there is power in the tongue. I started to pray and worship a WHOLE LOT more. I started to listen to my spirit and not my emotions. I stood tall, looked the devil in his face and I snatched back my life....LITERALLY!
I started to invest in myself. I did it to please me and nobody else. I didn't look for any approvals. All last year, I remember Abesi (our PR...oh how I love her:-)) reminding me every time she saw me that I needed to take some professional pictures, do a head-shot and brand myself. She would often remind me of how amazing I am, how talented and gifted I am and how valuable I am. I would laugh it off. I was so fearful to do anything for myself. For a minute, I had forgotten all of my great qualities because I was allowing the enemy to tell me that I wasn't much at all; that I didn't have much to offer and that my voice wasn't that big. But God sent her as a friendly reminder that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. She has boosted my head up a lil bit...now ya'll can't tell me nothing...LOL..j/k!
On a serious note, no matter how you feel today. How you've been feeling for the past 4 months or 2 years, know that God is with you and you will not fall. I was there. For an ENTIRE year, maybe longer. I am a witness, that God is going to work it out for YOUR good. All the pain. All the frustration. The heartbreak. Somehow and in someway, he is going to make it work out in your favor. Even when I was still in the midst of turmoil, I began to trust God. I was excited about what my future looked like. I was anticipating the new me and my amazing testimony. I was ready to share it with the world, but I didn't know how I wanted to do that (oh, and see how he birthed A Journey With Tia).
Now I am HERE!...still human. Still struggle with doubt at times (but not for long..I snap out of it real quick these days..LOL). God is still working on me. But the difference between me then and now is I wholeheartedly BELIEVE that if I am praying about it, God is working on it.
So I faced my fear....mustered up the courage and did a shoot for ME! No one told me to do it. I told myself. I felt good. I looked even better. It was orchestrated by God. And how I know it was God, my photographer began to witness to me in her car on the way to the last location. It was a much needed word from God.
So, to those of you that have read all of this remember that God did not promise us a life without pain, struggles, and hardships. He promised to give us the strength to get through them. I am on the journey with you and praying for you. Abundance of love to you:-)
Check your girl out!!!
Photography - Theary Louneoubonh @louneoubonhs
Makeup - Kris J. @kris_on_the_beat
Hair - Kelsey Mandisa @kelseymandisa