Updated: Dec 31, 2020
Hey girl!!!! Chiiillllleeeee, I have to tell you things have been getting real these past couple of months...whew! I literally just came up for some REAL air. Between this letter to my dad and Karter starting school, I do not know which one gave me the most anxiety...LOL. But, FINALLY Karter is all settled in school (he's a happy camper and mommy is too:-)) and I have a little more brain space to tackle something else (you know there's always something NEW, right?). And I also pray that each of you are well. With virtual learning I am sure a lot if you want to pull your hair out or drink a full bottle of wine each night...DON'T DO IT! Be easy on yourselves, be easy on the kids, be easy on the educators and administrators. This is new for everyone, so be sure to extend a little extra grace all the way around, including to yourself. Be mindful of your thoughts about virtual learning, about your child's teacher or whatever you feel that you have no control over...your kids are listening to your complaints and they tend to internalize whatever is bothering us as their parents.
Well, when you last heard from me (sorry, it's been too long & I swear I'm going to get better with this...lol!) I stated that I was ready to forgive and restore my relationship with my dad. I was going to write him the letter I have been waiting to write for years and guess what, I still HAVE NOT sent the letter to my dad. I literally started and stopped. I wrestled with all of my thoughts, all of the things I wanted to say, if I even felt like saying anything, if I am truly ready to focus my energy on that relationship, if I'm even prepared for the response, what I want out of it, if anything....LITERALLY, EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT YOU CAN THINK OF! And I stopped. I felt overwhelmed. I felt defeated. I felt ashamed. I got on here and I told ya'll I was ready and then after the fact I realize that I am, but I ain't (if that makes any sense to you).
So, fast forward to now and the letter is still in process. And I am okay with that. I know that I will get there. I will finish writing it one day. It will get mailed one day. And when that day come, God will have equipped me to be handle the process of building a relationship with my dad. And to think, just a month ago, I was not okay saying & truly believing what I just told you (it's amazing how releasing toxic thoughts about ourselves helps us to feel much better and helps us not to focus on what other people have to say..talk about growth!).
And I decided to come here today to tell you that your process is your own. Your journey is one that is for you and you only. It is not for anyone else's approval. IT IS YOURS! OWN IT, WALK IN IT AND STAND FIRM ON IT! Ain't no "one journey fits all"...nobody can rock yours like you...remember that! I am the person that likes to plan and control everything. What I am learning while on my journey is that I do not have to control anything (hallelujah!). God has actually, mapped everything out for me and if I put all of my trust in his word it will not return to me void. He has already proven this to me a countless amount of times and yet I am still guilty of sometimes being afraid of LETTING GO and LETTING GOD (girl, learn from my mistakes...save yourself the headache!). With all that being said, your girl is still around, still falling more and more in love with the process of becoming the woman that God has called me to be, still taking things a day at a time; not applying much pressure, still feeding myself affirmations on the daily, still loving on my people that's loving on me & the ones that are hard to love at times, still discovering my purpose so I can be a better servant and still excited about being on this journey with each and everyone of YOU!
Take care of yourselves and reach out if you need me...I'M HERE...NAWL FORREAL....I'M HERE. I love you all! Virtual hugs to each of you:-)
Oh yeah....last thing...
The book club just started our 2nd book (if you're not part of it, you're missing out...I LOVE these ladies!) "Get Out Of Your Head" by Jennie Allen. It's a great read and definitely a good guide to getting your mind right because your possibilities are endless with the right mindset. Go get it...and let me know how you like it! Hope to hear from you soon.
With so much love,